


When We Dance

by Celievamp



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celievamp/pseuds/Celievamp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclaimer: The story, and characters and anything and everything else concerning SG: SG1 belong to MGM, Gekko, Secret Productions etc, they are so not mine and no money is being made from this and no copyright infringement is intended.</p><p>"When We Dance" by Sting.</p><p>Summary:  Recovering from the memory stamp, Sam has difficulty telling apart her memories and her fantasies.  Janet has an entirely different problem - now that Sam has opened up to her, is it time to move on with their friendship?</p><p>Spoilers:  Set immediately after "Beneath the Surface"</p>
            </blockquote>





	When We Dance

It was the same damned dream again.  The same dream I had had every night they were missing, every time I managed to grab more than a couple of minutes sleep.

 

I am alone on a dancefloor, a song I know well just beginning, a song to slowdance to with the one you love.  But you are not here.  And then you come out of the darkness into the light and your arms are around me, your hand on my hip, pressing your pelvis into my ass, your breasts against my spine.  You tell me that you love me.  You kiss me at the place where my neck meets my shoulder a place where I love to be kissed.  And we dance.  I reach back to kiss you but there are tears in your eyes and you pull away.

 

I realised that I was crying as I opened my eyes, desperate to hold on to the last tatters of the dream where I had had Sam Carter in my arms, Sam Carter’s lips on my skin, Sam Carter’s voice murmuring something that sounded very much like “Janet, I love you.”

 

We had just got SG1 back from a kidnap situation where they had ended up as forced labour in a power plant, their memories wiped and completely different personalities and memories installed in their place.  Samantha had been Thera, but the memory stamp had not been able to overcome her natural brilliance.  She had tried to make a difference, to make improvements to the plant, to their working conditions.  Along with the rest of SG1 they had discovered the truth behind their abduction and brainwashing.  Even as Hammond was authorizing a task force to go through and bring down Administrator Calder’s little scam, SG1 had essentially rescued themselves.

 

I turn over restlessly.  That damned song is in my head again.  It’s haunted me the last few days.

 

 _++If he loved you_

 _Like I love you_

 _I would walk away in shame_

 _I'd move town_

 _I'd change my name_

 _When he watches you_

 _When he counts to buy your soul_

 _On your hand his golden rings_

 _Like he owns a bird that sings++_

 

I tell myself that nothing has changed.  I’ve felt this way about you for years.  It doesn’t matter what I feel.  There’s always your relationship with O’Neill to consider.  I know that you haven’t… that you aren’t… but neither of you can deny the attraction that there is between you.  Everyone can see it.  It’s not just my imagination.  And there’s your alternate selves – married in one reality, engaged in another.  Okay, as you said yourself, there are millions of realities out there.  Anything could happen.  I just wonder, that’s all.

 

If I thought for one moment that you felt the same way about him as he does about you I’d back off at once.  I don’t need that kind of complication in my life.  He thinks of you as his: his astrophysicist, his pet scientist, his II1C, his Carter.  In his dreams, his Samantha, I’m sure.  I’ve seen the way he looks at you or rather doesn’t look at you, but somewhere beyond you to a time when we’re done fighting the Goa’uld, when he’s retired, when there’s just the two of you and a cabin in Minnesota and all the time in the world.  I remember you telling me once in a rare moment of disclosure that if you and he ever did get together you’d have killed each other within the week.  If it wasn’t for the regulations you would already have had a brief but torrid affair and got it out of your systems.

 

Yet if it’s not supposed to be.  If I’m not supposed to feel like this about you then why does it feel so right? 

 

If it’s not supposed to be this way then why are you the first thing on my mind and the last thing on my mind before I sleep?  Why do I dream about you night after night?  Why am I torturing myself like this?  I am an intelligent liberated career woman.  I could have any man I wanted at the SGC or anywhere else.  But I only want you.

 

 _++When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings++_

 

The next morning and you’re back in the Infirmary for an assessment on some minor injuries you picked up during your latest adventure.  If you pass I am authorized to release you from confinement to Base.  Cassie wants me to bring you to our house for a couple of days.

 

“That would be really nice… if you’re sure I’m not imposing on you.”  The expression on your face is so serious.  “I’m sure spending time with Cassie will be good for both of us and…”

 

“Go on,” I prompt, finishing changing the dressing on a nasty scald you managed to acquire on one arm.  According to O’Neill you saved the plant from exploding at great risk to your own life.

 

“… I still can’t actually remember where I live,” you said. “I get the feeling that I don’t actually spend much time there.”

 

“Well there are probably dust bunnies that have claimed squatters rights by now,” I joke with you raising that bashful smile I love to see.  “Stay as long as you want, Sam, and when you’re ready we’ll go and reclaim your house from the dust bunnies and dead house plants.”

 

“My poor houseplants,” you said mournfully and then with more alarm.  “My poor cat!”

 

“Relax, you don’t have a cat any more.  You gave him to Narim, remember.”

 

You frown, shaking your head.  I leave you lost in thought whilst I tidy up the used dressings and put them in the waste bag.  It’s only as I approach you again that I realise I’m singing that damned song from my dreams under my breath.

 

“Hey, I know that one,” you say, closing your eyes in concentration for a moment.  I listen in wonder as you sing the verse I was humming and the chorus word perfect.  You have a beautiful singing voice.  I’ve never really heard you sing before.  I’ve heard rumours from the other lab staff that it’s a sure fire way of telling that you’re happy with the way things are going if you are singing to yourself as you work, but I’ve never had the privilege of being serenaded by you before.

 

The smile is wider now, and then you cock your head to one side and regard me curiously.  “Janet, why is it I can’t remember where I live but I can remember the lyrics of that song perfectly?”

 

“I have no idea,” I say truthfully.

 

 _++The priest has said my soul's salvation_

 _Is in the balance of the angels_

 _And underneath the wheels of passion_

 _I keep the faith in my fashion_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings++_

 

Different night, same scenario.  I wake sobbing as the song ends and you part from me.  I ache from the loss of your touch.

 

God, I hope no one heard me – Cassie’s had enough to worry about with Sam and the guy’s going missing without thinking that I’m losing it as well.  And then of course there is you, the object of my dream, of all my dreams, Samantha Carter herself, who is hopefully sound asleep in the guest bedroom just a few feet away from where I lie, wiping my tears from my cheeks.

 

There is a soft tap at my door.

 

“Cassie, I’m okay, it was just a bad dream,” I lie.

 

“It’s not Cassie, it’s me,” you said softly, opening the door and stepping inside the room.  My room.  My bedroom.  You can’t see me like this.  You can’t.  Not all vulnerable and needy.  Needing you.

 

“I’m okay, Sam.  As I said, it was just a bad dream.  I’m sorry I woke you.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep.  I’ve been trying to piece together the rest of my memories, but it’s difficult. I have so many questions, so many things I need to know for it all to make sense.  Do you mind if we talk for a while?”

 

I sit up, pulled my knees up to my chin under the covers.  I have to do this.  However I feel, however painful it is for me to interact with you like this, you are my best friend.  And you are hurting.

 

 _++I'm still in love with you_

 _{I'm gonna find a place to live_

 _Give you all I've got to give}_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings++_

 

“It’s funny.  I remember everything about work, about the Stargate and how it works, the physics behind it, everything.  I remember it all perfectly.  I remember my dad and Mark… and that my mother is dead,” you paused, swallowed.  “It’s just personal stuff, stuff that only I would know that I can’t seem to get straight in my head.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Janet – was I involved with anyone before I went missing – romantically, I mean.  I keep getting flashes, but… it seems off somehow.”

 

“I don’t think you were seeing anyone.  And I would know.  We did talk a lot about the crappiness of our sex lives,” I offered you a rueful grin.  “Sorry.”  Either you’re experiencing a flashback to a few years ago before I knew you or it’s wishful thinking.  A fantasy perhaps.  “Do you recognize who you’re with?”

 

“That’s the thing,” you said softly, raising your head to look at me.  The expression, the raw need in your eyes seared me to my soul.  I think I forgot to breathe.  “I’m with you.”

 

Something in my face must have told you.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said anything.  I should have known that you would never – that we were never…”  You were in a full panic now, something I had never seen before.

 

“Sam – calm down, please.  Don’t go.  I  - we weren’t together, not in the way you mean, not in the way you imagined.”

 

“You think I imagined it?”  You said slowly. You wiped tears from your cheek with the back of one hand.  “Is that why it seemed… off?”

 

“I don’t know for certain, Sam, but I think that what you’re imagining is a fantasy scenario.  Everyone has them.  I think you’re picking up on a memory of that scenario, of an act that never happened outside the confines of your imagination.  But at the moment you’re having a hard time differentiating between the two.  But you said something about your recollection seemed off.  That’s a good sign, believe me.  A few days more and all your memories will be back.”

 

Hopefully I had successfully managed to avoid saying anything else about your ‘problem’.  Inside part of me was off singing arias or something.  Sam Carter had sexual fantasies about me.  Fantasies that were vivid enough and frequent enough to appear as pseudo memories.  Wow.  Heart told me to go for it, to admit everything.  Head warned me to take the Fifth, admit nothing.

 

“I haven’t ruined everything between us, have I?” you asked in a small voice.  I was honoured that you let me see your insecurities like this.  “I mean, regulations and all.  I know I could get into a lot of trouble for what I’ve just admitted to you.”

 

“Doctor-patient confidentiality,” I breezed.  “And you are my dear, sweet friend, Sam.  I would never betray a confidence like that.  And nothing you could say would ever change how I feel about you.  Now, you need to rest up.  A week’s forced labour can take it out of the strongest, especially on the kind of rations Calder seems to have fed you.”

 

I thought I had got away with it and then you remembered why you had come into my room in the first place.  “Are you okay?  I mean, the bad dream and everything.”

 

“I’m fine,” I smiled.  I’m a doctor.  The expression on my face has nothing to do with how I feel inside.  That’s the real reason it takes so long to qualify, not any of the studying.  “Night, Sam.”

 

You take the hint, clever girl.  “Night, Janet.  And thanks.”

 

 _++If I could break down these walls_

 _And shout my name at heaven's gate_

 _I'd take these hands_

 _And I'd destroy the dark machineries of fate_

 _Cathedrals are broken_

 _Heaven's no longer above_

 _And hellfire's a promise away_

 _I'd still be saying_

 _I'm still in love++_

 

Cassie looked ecstatic to have both her ‘moms’ in residence at breakfast the next morning.  You looked more rested than I thought you would considering our early morning conversation.  I felt fine.  I just couldn’t get the damn dream out of my head.  And the fact that you had admitted to fantasizing about me.

 

We drove in together.  “Do you mind if I put the radio on?” you asked.

 

“No, sure, go ahead,” I murmured, trying to divine what the guy in the SUV ahead of me was trying to do.

 

 _++He won't love you_

 _Like I love you_

 _He won't care for you this way_

 _He'll mistreat you if you stay++_

 

That damned song again.  It was haunting me.  A shiver ran down my spine as I realised that you were singing along to it, a smile of unalloyed pleasure on your face.  “Weird,” she said at the end of the chorus.  “After we talked last night, I had a dream with that song in it.  We were dancing.”  Your hand flew out to brace yourself against the dashboard as I nearly pranged the car.  What the hell?

 

I realised I had spoken aloud.  The SUV guy I had nearly rearended was gesticulating wildly through his mirror at me.  I smiled sweetly and gave him the finger.

 

“Janet!”

 

“We’re okay.  I didn’t hit him.”  Yep, there must be at least the thickness of paint between our vehicles.  SUV guy gave me another filthy look, mouthed something uncomplimentary about female drivers and took off again.

 

“What just happened?” you ask slowly.

 

“What?”  Heart and Head were back again.  Heart begging me to tell you about my dream, my reaction to the song, my real feelings for you.  Head telling me to put down the weapon and back away slowly.

 

“I told you that I dreamt about us dancing and you almost crashed the car,” you said.  “Are you feeling okay?”

 

“I’m fine.”  The car behind us honked and I started up again.  “We’re going to be late.”

 

You gave me a look.  I knew this wasn’t over.  You weren’t one to back away from getting answers before and now you have this desperate need to piece your memories back together again you aren’t going to let this go.

 

 _++Come and live with me_

 _We'll have children of our own_

 _I would love you more than life_

 _If you'll come and be my wife_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings_

 _When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings++_

 

I managed to avoid you all day.  I worked late in the hope that you would have already gone to bed by the time I got home, but you were waiting up for me.  There was a cd playing in the background and with a sinking feeling I recognized the artist. 

 

“I need you to be straight with me Janet, now more than ever,” you said.

 

So no small talk then, no how was your day, have you eaten yet, no indication of what you and  Cassie have been bonding over whilst I was at work.

 

“Okay,” I said, slipping off my shoes and scrunching up my toes into the carpet.  I find it usually relaxes me.  Usually.  “Mind if I get changed and fix myself a drink first?”

 

You shake your head.  “Sorry.  Didn’t mean to ambush you.  What do you want to drink?”

 

“A beer will be fine.  I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

 

I change into comfortable jeans and a brightly striped jumper that Cassie christened my mint humbug look.  I leave my feet bare and shake out my hair.  Theoretically being comfortable in my own skin should leave me more prepared to deal with you.  Except I have no idea how to do that.  Heart and Head are opposite each other, battle lines drawn.  I have no idea which way this will go.

 

 _++“I'm gonna love you more than life_

 _If you will only be my wife_

 _I'm gonna love you more than life_

 _If you will only be my wife_

 _I'm gonna love you night and day_

 _I'm gonna try in every way_

 _{I had a dream last night_

 _I dreamt you were by my side_

 _Walking with me baby_

 _My heart was filled with pride_

 _I had a dream last night}”++_

 

Downstairs you have moved to the big armchair leaving me to curl up on the sofa.  But I don’t, not yet.  I need to think on my feet for now.  A lightly perspiring opened bottle of beer is sitting on a coaster on the coffee table.  Its twin is in your hands.

 

“Thanks,” I smile.

 

You just look at me.  The ball is in my court.

 

“Okay.  You think I haven’t been straight with you.  I have to admit that what you told me about your remembered fantasy shook me a little.  What I didn’t tell you is that I have the same fantasies.  About you.”

 

“Oh.  Oh!”  Your eyes widen making you look absurdly innocent.  Considering the matter at hand.

 

“I need you to be straight with me as well, Sam.  Before I decide – before we decide what we want to do about his I need to know a few things.  For example… O’Neill. Are you in love with him?"

 

The answer is a strong negative.  “No.”  You stare at me as if that should be the most obvious thing in the world.  I hate to tell you that it’s not.  Everyone in the Gateroom when they came back through saw how you were together, how at ease Thera was with Jonah, Jonah’s almost possessive body language.  I know from your medical exam that you weren’t … intimate… with him.  I honestly don’t know what I would have said or done if it had shown anything different.

 

“Were you ever in love with him?”

 

"Have you ever considered that with O’Neill’s history with army regulations why this is the one he’s never broken?” 




 

Have I a chance with you?  You deny any involvement with the Colonel – more than that, any intention of becoming involved with the Colonel.  But that doesn’t mean anything with regard to my feelings.  How can you take into account something of which you have no knowledge?  I don’t often get to hear you speak with such passion.  I could get to like it.  In my fantasies about us together, I have always been the one to take control.  Now I see myself lying passively beneath you, your strong hands on my body, your lips against mine demanding, taking.  The image is so strong that it rocks me on my heels.

 

You grab my arm to steady me.  “Will you sit down before you fall down?”  I don’t want to sit down, but I do, on the edge of the cushion, my hands clasped firmly in my lap.  I stare at my beer, following the progress of a droplet of moisture down the neck of the bottle, the pattern in the carpet, the chipped varnish on my toenails, anything but the woman in front of me.  I’m ready to bolt but suddenly the idea of pouncing feels a lot better, of wrapping myself around you and never letting go.  You are leaning back against the cushions on the chair waiting for me to say something, anything.  But I don’t speak.

 

“Do I really make you feel that uncomfortable, now?” you ask.  “You look as if you can’t wait to get out of here – or for me to get out of here.  Have I ruined our friendship, Janet?  I wish I’d never said anything, but you must understand I only had about half my memories back.  Things were still a little confusing.  But now you say that you have the same kind of fantasies about me.  So where does that leave us?”

 

Confusing, yep, I could relate to that.  “I have a confession to make,” I said softly.  “When you asked me if there was anything between us, I wanted to lie.  I wanted to tell you that yes we were lovers, committed to each other for all time that we knew every inch of each other’s bodies intimately.  I wanted to make new memories with you starting that very moment.”  I stood up again, walked towards you.  You looked up at me as my hand stretched towards your face, touching your cheek.  Your eyes closed and you leant into me.  “I wanted to ravish you, Sam Carter, to make you see what you had been missing all this time.”

 

“Why didn’t you?” you whispered.

 

I withdrew my hand, managing to still my smile at the bereft expression on your face as you opened your eyes again.  “Because it would have been a lie.  I couldn’t do that to you.  I care too much about you as it is.”

 

"Then you… you do have feelings for me?” you asked, your voice husky with barely suppressed emotion.  I feel it right to my centre and look away from you desperate that you not see what the fact of your mere physical proximity is doing to me.  I have a reputation to uphold after all. 

 

You swallow, look at me and then down at the floor.  “Janet – if I wanted to kiss you, would you let me?” 

 

I had no idea you would be so bold, so open.  I also had no idea how to respond.  Heart and head were in direct conflict on this one.  Heart was cheerleading go for it, head was prim and proper dress uniform and spouting regulations.  Any relationship with Sam would break so many regs I might as well flush both our careers goodbye.

 

Sam Carter wants to kiss me.  I realise that I am staring at your lips, wondering what you kiss like, wondering if you know how aroused I already am at the thought. 

 

“Janet?”

 

I realise that I haven’t said a word.  With an effort I bring my gaze back up to eye level, see the expectation of impending hurt in your eyes.  You expect rejection, I realise.  Men let you down all the time, why should a shift in gender lead to a different outcome?

 

“I’d better go,” you say.  “I’ve imposed on you long enough.” 

 

“Sam, please.  Don’t leave.”  I reach out to touch you again, witness the reaction to my touch that shivers through you.  “The answer to your question is yes, I would very much like you to kiss me.” 

 

There’s no definition for the expression that crosses your face – a melding of confusion, anxiety and awe.  “Really?”

 

“Really.”  I can’t hold back any longer.  I smile at you, cross to stand in front of you and as you lean back in your chair again, sit astride your slim hips.  A shy grin crosses your face, you are already blushing and we haven’t done anything yet.

 

I run my fingers along your jawline, let one hand cup the back of your neck.  Your arms are around me, one hand resting against my upper back, the other resting on the waistband of my jeans.  I let you make the first move.  I am amazed at how much your eyes have darkened.  That the Ice Queen is capable of such passion.  I don’t think I’m going to be disappointed.  You are still so vulnerable, not up to any more teasing no matter how gentle.  A person could easily take advantage of you and I don’t want to do that.  I force myself to let you take the lead.  I don’t want to mess this up, not now I’ve got so far with you.  We’re both consenting adults here, eyes wide open and all that jazz.  You have her memories back and there’s nothing and no one to muddy the waters.  I want to treat you right, not just because its in my nature to do so but because you deserve it and I get the impression it hasn’t happened too often before. 

 

Your lips are soft and sweet.  The first kiss is almost chaste, then I feel the tip of your tongue seeking entry and part my lips and suddenly I can’t get enough of you and it’s obviously mutual.  At last, we break away, our foreheads almost touching.  I stare into your blue eyes, dilated almost to darkness.  I am hungry for more.  You lean back against the cushions again, still breathing hard.  I watch, my heart in my mouth, on my lips as your beautiful eyes close and a single tear trickles down your cheek.  All I can think is please god, no second thoughts.  Please let me not have broken you. 

 

“Sam?”

 

“M’okay,” you mumbled.  Your eyes opened again and you managed a half-smile.  “Think I fried a few brain cells.  Can’t wait to see what happens when you make me cum.”

 

I burst out laughing and the tension between us disappears, fading away like some mythical beastie.  “Well, can I suggest we take this somewhere with a little more scope for experimentation?”  I pause.  “Unless you think we’re moving too fast.  I mean, I don’t mean…”  You stop me with another mind blowing kiss.

 

“Janet – how many years have we known each other?  No way are we moving too fast.” 

 

Hand in hand we stumble upstairs to my room and close the door. 

 

 _++“I'm gonna love you more than life_

 _If you will only be my wife_

 _I'm gonna love you more than life_

 _If you will only be my wife_

 _I'm gonna love you night and day_

 _I'm gonna try in every way_

 _{I had a dream last night_

 _I dreamt you were by my side_

 _Walking with me baby_

 _My heart was filled with pride_

 _I had a dream last night}”++_

 

 

“Cassie,” you worry.

 

“Don’t.  We’ve had a few oddball mother/daughter chats the last few months.  She thinks I should have made a move on you years ago.”

 

You start to laugh and flop onto the bed, burying your face in the pillow.  As I crawl onto the bed beside you you turn to look at me. I pause.  Your eyes roam over my body and I know you can see how much I’m turned on already.  My cheeks are flushed, my hair is a mess and my nipples are so hard that it’s painful.  If something is going to happen it had better be soon before I spontaneously combust.  I shiver as your gaze shifts to my face, my eyes, my lips.  Such hunger… I am in so much trouble here.  Your gaze moves lower again, studying me intently as if you’ve never really seen me before.  Perhaps you haven’t.  I make a move, my hands on my waistband, ready to unzip my jeans.

 

“No,” you said.  “I want to.  I need to.”  You sit up and reach for me.  I let you undress me and except where you’ve needed to touch me to remove my clothes, you haven’t laid a finger on me.  And here I am all naked and you sit back on your heels and give me the slow burn of your gaze over every inch of my flesh.  “Tell me what you want me to do,” you say, and that surprises the hell out of me.

 

“What?”

 

“Tell me, Janet.  Tell me how to please you.  Tell me what to do to make this more than a one night stand to make you burn for me like I burn for you.”

 

“Sam.  Just touch me.  Please.  I want this just as much as you do.  I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you.”

 

“You have?” You look as if you don’t believe me.  Damn, I’m good, I think.  Too good at hiding my feelings at keeping up the cool calm and collected trust me I’m a doctor front.  The trick is, can I let it go, can I show this wonderful woman how I truly feel about her. 

 

“Since we were first introduced.  But you were career airforce, Sam.  And everything I learnt about you just reinforced that impression.  No way would you be anything other than straight.  And then there wasn’t just me to think about any more, there was Cassie as well.”  I look down, unsure of how to phrase this.  “I’ve grown very good at hiding my true feelings over the years.  Too good, I’m beginning to think.  At this moment I want nothing more than to feel your hands and your lips on my body.  I just want to be Janet for a while, not the CMO, not career air force.  Just Janet.  Your Janet.”

 

“Just Janet,” you say softly.  I look up into your shining eyes.  “My Janet.”  Your hands gentle the skin of my face, my throat as you lean in close and we kiss again.  And again.  And I am lying down and you are arching over me.  I let my hands run up and down your flexed arms admiring the smooth interplay of muscles under your soft pale skin.  Steel and velvet.  My fingers fumble with the buttons of your shirt and kneeling again you pull it off over your head sending buttons ricocheting all over the room.  You wriggle out of your jeans kicking them off to lie in a twisted heap at the bottom of the bed.  I grin, realizing that you’d gone commando this evening and there is nothing left now between your skin and my skin.  I can’t hold myself back any longer.  I want to touch you, to taste you so badly.  You stretch over me, rubbing the length of your body catlike against me driving me wild just simply through friction.  I feel the heaviness of your breasts against mine for a moment, the hardness of your nipples.  Your eyes meet mine again, so dark, unfocussed, almost sleepy.  Your tongue catlicks against the skin of my throat, butterfly kisses a trail across my collarbone then drops to anoint my breasts paying equal attention to both.  My fingers are wrapped in your hair now as I hold you to me as you kiss and lick a trail down my belly, circumnavigating my navel diosil and widdershins and then I feel the gentle pressure of your nose in the dark curls that mark my entrance.  As if you’ve pressed some secret key my thighs open to you and you kiss along my inner thighs.  I almost implode as I feel the first touch of your tongue against my lower lips, the gentle vibration of your laugh as you realise just how ready I am for you.  I am breathing hard as if I’ve run a marathon and I haven’t done anything yet.  The power that you have over me is frightening now I care to acknowledge the truth of it.  As your tongue laps against me, and I feel the gentle pressure of your fingers testing how ready I am to accept you I know that this is going to be mind blowing meltingly good sex of the kind that blows any fantasy fuck out of the water and will make me smile in fond remembrance when I am old and grey.  Hopefully with you still by my side. 

 

And it rushes over me like a tsunami and there is whiteness and silence and I open my eyes to see your head resting on the pillow beside mine, your lips and chin still glistening with my honey.  With an effort I mould myself back into the shape I remember as mine, gather the strength to lean over you and kiss your face clean tasting myself on you.  Heart and head are suddenly singing from the same hymnsheet.  Nothing has ever been so right before.

 

I kiss the edges of your smile and then continue my exploration of this wondrous body that I know so well yet am seeing tonight with entirely new eyes.  I find a particularly sensitive spot on your neck and linger for a while until the hitch in your breath tells me that my work here is done and it is time to move on.  Your breasts, the mole the exact position and shape of which is the subject of at least two betting pools at the SGC.  The strength of your ribcage under my fingers as I kiss my way down your sternum, the interplay of muscles under the skin of your abdomen.  I trace the faint scar that I promised you would barely show, the messier scars of an incident before you joined the SGC.  The slender strength of your hipbones, the faintly concave dip of your belly.  I worship at your bellybutton, realizing just how ticklish you are as you put your hand to your mouth to stifle the sound of your giggles.  The soft golden curls that mark my goal, already glistening in anticipation of my soft mouthings.  A moan escapes you, the almost feral sound spurring me on.  I nose against you, teasing the little bud my fingers parting your folds as I drink my fill of you and realise that I will never ever get enough of your taste.  You moan again, louder but still stifled by your hand.  I place a hand on your hip for a moment to steady you feeling the trembling building up in your muscles as you begin to crest.  You are no longer moaning but chanting my name, your eyes squeezed closed.  I let my fingernails gently run down the soft skin of your inner thigh and it is as if you become weightless.  The index finger of my other hand is inside you now, stroking in and out and as I add a second finger and lower my face to lap at you again you come hard.  I stroke and soothe you into stillness and crawl up your body to lay my head on your shoulder, my arm across your body, one leg thrown over your hip.  I feel your breath steady, my presence centre you.  Your hand is still shaking slightly as you reach over to push back my hair where it is sticking to my sweat damp cheek and throat. 

 

“Wow,” you say softly and then giggle.  “I could kick myself I really could all the time I wasted we wasted because we were afraid of this.”

 

“I’m still a little afraid,” I admit.  “Now we’ve ‘done it’ I can’t imagine not having you in my life, Sam.  I haven’t felt like this for longer than I care to think about.  If I thought I had to be controlled before now…” 

 

Your hand stills in my hair.  “You don’t regret this do you?”

 

“No.” I reach over to run the backs of my fingers down her cheek, my heart skipping a beat as I find tears there.  “Never.  Never Sam.  I will never regret what happened between us tonight and I want it to be the first of many such experiences with you.  I want to grow old and grey with you, Samantha Carter, if you’ll have me.”

 

You are silent for a long moment as I continue to stroke your face.  “That sounds awfully like a proposal,” you say at last.

 

“And if it was?”

 

Your thumb brushes gently across my swollen lips.  I part them slightly and take it into my mouth swirling my tongue around it until you hiss.  I release my prisoner as your face hovers above mine and we kiss again, open, wet, loving kisses that affirm everything between us without any need for words.  I have my answer.  You kiss me on the brow and I lay down against you again and close my eyes.

 

 

We are back on the dancefloor again.  Your arms are around me, your breasts pressing into my back.  I lay my head against your shoulder and you reach down to kiss me.  There is an expression of such love in your eyes.  The sweet rasp of the singer’s voice lulls us.  And I am no longer afraid of what will happen when the dance ends.

 

 _++“I'm gonna love you more than life_

 _If you will only be my wife_

 _I'm gonna love you more than life_

 _If you will only be my wife_

 _I'm gonna love you night and day_

 _I'm gonna try in every way_

 _{I had a dream last night_

 _I dreamt you were by my side_

 _Walking with me baby_

 _My heart was filled with pride_

 _I had a dream last night}”++_

 

 

END


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